she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
