oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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