So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
