Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
