Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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