make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
