why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I need to align my fucking chakras
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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