jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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