So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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