I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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