i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize