i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
