yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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