So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
