I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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