I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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