On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
