my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
