I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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