He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My nipple is on Facebook.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
