my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
