I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
