I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to make out with him forever
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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