he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
