He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
