I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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