my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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