I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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