I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
