remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
