Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
