Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
