There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
