rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Send help, water and tortillas.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
