you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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