I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
