Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
