i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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