so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
