conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize