are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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