Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
