Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
