Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
