This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
