I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
