Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
