Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
