She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
