with your own penis?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
