I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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