He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
