i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
