we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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