dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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