I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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