I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
