You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
