people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
