i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The adults are the big ones right?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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