First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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