I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
