Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize