she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
