Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
