so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
